OutRun OutHide OutBash
by ShotgunNeko
Summary: The Obsidian Lord is back, using Jeff Probst and the game of Survivor to carry out his evil plan. Some will quit. Some will die. Some may even be voted off. It's the ultimate Hime challenge, as our favorites compete to become the Sole Hime Survivor.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **

Well I don't know how good this is but I have a few ideas for it anyways. If people aren't interested then I won't continue. Please Read and Review as that makes it worth writing.

**Disclaimer:**

I don't own Mai Hime/Mai Otome/Survivor or Sailor Moon.

**Prologue**

Jeff Probst was leaving the final production meeting before the brand new season of Survivor was about to begin. As Jeff made his way from the CBS production office to the parking lot, he began to notice a strange purple mist floating in the air. Jeff rubbed his eyes with his hands, as if to check and make sure he wasn't seeing things. Sure enough the purple mist began to grow and take a human shape, swirling and shifting until the large purple mass hung menacingly above Jeff's head.

"Your body is mine Jiffy Pops" shouted the voice.

"ACCKK!!!!!!!" cried Jeff as the purple mist engulfed his entire body and he began to choke and cough. Jeff's body shook as he rocked back and forth, as if struggling with an unseen force. After much thrashing and fighting, finally Jeff stood up straight, his eyes glowing.

"Yes. I've done it. Watch out my little Himes, cuz I'm BACK!" grinned the Obsidian Lord, who had just overtaken the body of everyone's favorite Reality T.V. Host.

-------------------------------

Jeff smiled as Mark Burnett walked away, finalizing the contestant list for the new season. Survivor Hime Island. Jeff had a lot of explaining to do to MB, as MB believed Jeff was losing his mind. The teams were uneven, the games were rigged, and MB had no idea what the hell a "Hime" was.

The Obsidian Lord, as Jeff, used his power of persuasion to assure MB, that everything would be taken care of, and that this season of Survivor would be the best ever. Once MB was out of earshot, Jeff pulled his assistant Nagi aside.

"Nagi, are you ready for action?" asked Jeff grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

"Yes my lord, of course, shall I summon an orphan?" asked Nagi grinning too.

"No, no, this time we won't be needing that." Jeff shook his head. "No my friend, this time we will have the Himes compete in a much LARGER game. The game of Survivor." continued Jeff. "And this time I'll have my dark bride. Make no mistake about that."

Nagi looked skeptical. He would follow his master to the ends of the earth and back, but somehow things never seemed to turn out the way the dark one planned. He had a feeling this time would be no different, as he felt a strange uneasiness upon him.

"Now read off the contestant list to me, so I can verify all the wonderful gals who have the possibility to be my hot sexy girlfriend." smiled Jeff.

"If that's all you desire you should have invaded the Bachelor..." Nagi trailed off.

"SILENCE!!" yelled Jeff .

"Sorry. Ok here we go...This season we are having boys vs. girls." Nagi looked up from his paper.

"Wait, that makes no sense. Why are you having guys too?" Nagi's eyes went wide as he silently questioned the Dark Lord's sexuality.

_Well there was that one time...after a few beers...with the pink bikini...and the whipped cream..._

"Stop! I know you're probably thinking something dirty." said Jeff. "It's not like that. I have to make this as believeable as possible so we don't blow our cover. In this world MB is the higher power and I must make him believe that I am doing everything to boost the ratings of his precious show." Jeff paused. "Therefore we will have boys vs. girls. That way we can rig the competitions so the boys will lose, thus increasing the chances of me getting down with a super hot Hime lady friend!!" Jeff drooled as he thought about Mai, Midori and Natsuki wearing only their Survivor buffs.

"Woot" yelled Jeff.

"Woot, indeed." echoed Nagi.

_It's going to be a long 39 days..._

Nagi looked over the list. All the former Himes were there, minus three.

"How come Yukariko isn't participating?" asked Nagi.

"Pshhhh PREGGERS!" exclaimed Jeff.

"Fumi?"

"Pssshhh Cellulite!" Jeff rolled his eyes. "I want a hot mama, not someone old enough to be my mama."

"Shiho?"

Jeff stuck out his tongue "Gross!"

Nagi sighed again. He was getting too old for the Lord's childish behavior.

"So on the guys team I have Reito, Tate, Kazuya, Takeda, and Takumi." Nagi read aloud. "On the ladies team I have Mai, Mikoto, Akane, Natsuki, Shizuru, Nao, Midori, Akira, Yukino, Haruka and Alyssa." he finished.

"Haruka and Alyssa? They aren't real Himes my lord." Nagi eyed Jeff.

"Nonsense! Haruka was a manga Hime and Alyssa gave a good show her first time out. It's the least I can do to give her a chance." Jeff grinned wickedly. "The more cute young girls, the better, plus that hot robot is always hanging around the little one. GRRRRRROWL! I'd so tap that android."

"As you wish my lord." Nagi had to hold his sanity together. "But the teams are a little uneven, I suggest if you don't want MB, and his powers that be, to become suspicious then we must even them out a little better."

Jeff pouted. "Fine then, geez, nobody said it had to be fair but if it's for the good of the competition, then I'll allow it."

"Akira's a male impersonator, let's move her to the boy's side." suggested Nagi.

"Now you're thinking Nagi. Hmm How about sending Akane to the boys side as well. She will want to be with her precious Kazuya. Then we will have a "ShowMance" to give the ratings a boost." Jeff begin to laugh evilly.

"Ok...but that still leaves us two people more on the girls side than the boys." Nagi pondered.

"Allright I'll use my awesome underworldy powers of evil to conjure up some more male contestants." said Jeff.

Jeff stood back and closed his eyes, waving his fingers magically, and yelling the secret word, which happenned to be Skittles. A puff of smoke appeared and two male figures were thrown from the sky, crashing down to the ground below.

"Owwww" said Tuxedo Mask rubbing his backside. "Where am I?"

"Nina? Where are you?" asked Sergay looking around at Jeff, Nagi and Tux.

"Hahahahaha you are now my prisoners.." bellowed Jeff.

Nagi shook his head at Jeff.

"Err...no did I say prisoners? I meant CONTESTANTS" coughed Jeff.

Tuxedo Mask and Sergay Wang had no time to argue as they were thrown on a boat and told not to speak to any of the other passengers aboard. Jeff came out to do his usual long-winded speech that we've heard many many time before.

Jeff began " Historic Japan. The country that brought us yuri smut like Strawberry Panic and Kannazuki No Miko. It also brought us Ryu from Super Street fighter 2, which is my all time favorite video game, but that's another story. Anyways it is here that 18 Japanese civilians are about to begin the adventure of a lifetime. Eighteen people all from different walks of life forced to work together to create a new society, while battling the elements and each other. They must learn to adapt or they'll be voted out of the tribe. In the end only ONE will remain to claim the million dollar prize andbemysuperawesomegirlfriend." "cough"

"ominous Survivor climax music"

39 days! 18 people! One Hime Survivor!

End Prologue

So what do you think so far? Like it? Hate it?

Next chapter will be more exciting. The teams compete! ShizNat makes an alliance!. Someone gets stung by a jellyfish !


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed so far. A special shout out to **yurianimeotaku** and **AnimeJock** as they have both been very supportive, and even gone as far as hyping my work up to other people. Thanx guys this chapter is dedicated to you ;)

Also a quick thanx to the following people for reading my Mai Hime fanfiction and always leaving feedback: **rainee-chan, Kosia, Urban Cowboy, Uchiha-chan, glowie, EisWulf, Swarm012, SpiderLillies2007, Flyleaf799 and Little-Demon-Inside. **

If I missed anyone I apologize:) Thanx again to all, without you this stuff wouldn't be worth writing!

**Disclaimer:**

There's too many things to list in this chapter that I don't own. So let's just say I own nothing ok? Get it? Got it? Good!

**Chapter 2**:

Jeff stood facing the eighteen contestants about to take part in his game. He was about to revive his sacred Hime Carnival, and they were all completely unaware. Actually they were pretty oblivious to begin with. Disregarding the rules Jeff had mentioned about not talking, they all began to talk at once, each questioning their participation in the game.

"What? Survivor? Your production assistant told me this was A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila!" growled a grumpy Nao.

"You mean this isn't Love Cruise?" asked Reito.

"I was told it was Kid Nation." sighed Alyssa.

"I think I may have signed up for Big Brother." commented Mai.

"Am I on Punk'd?? Ok Ashton you can come out now, you got me! Hahahaha. Ashton? Usagi? Anyone?" called Tuxedo Mask.

"I need to get back to Fuuka, there's delinquents going unpunished as we speak." seethed Haruka, who turned to Shizuru. "Why do I have a feeling this is somehow your fault bubuzuke woman?" she glared at the ex-Kaichou who tried her best to look innocent.

"Haruka-san it's summer time. Chill out." replied Natsuki

"Aren't you supposed to be at summer school too Kuga?" Haruka glared Natsuki down, mentally giving her three detentions.

"Jeff's Hot!" yelled Midori.

"Hells yeah!" echoed Takeda and Tate.

As everyone stopped to look at the two blushing boys, Jeff took this opportunity to regain control over the rowdy group.

"SILENCE!!" he screamed loudly, causing everyone to turn in his direction and look.

"You have all been brought here for one reason and one reason only. To Outwit, Outplay and Outlast your fellow castaways. The one who stands victorious at the end, will receive a check for one million dollars, and the coveted title of Sole Survivor." Jeff smiled at the cast.

"Are you interested in playing now?" he asked them again.

The group collectively shook their heads yes. A million dollars was huge, and nobody was going to back down from that prize.

"As you can see you have been divided into two teams already. Take a good look at the people beside you, as they will be all you see for the next thirty nine days. There are two boats behind you, one for each team." Jeff continued, as he handed each team a map. "Using the map, paddle out and find your beach. On the beach is a flag with your team color and various markers, paints, etc. Your first challenge is to pick a super cool name for your tribe. The better name chosen will win the first reward. Want to know what you're playing for??"

Jeff pulled out flint to make fire. "Fire is life, you'll need it to survive. This will definitely help."

"What no corvette?" asked Nao sarcastically.

Jeff ignored the redhead and continued "All right Survivors ready??" He made the hand motion and yelled. "Go!"

Everyone immediately took off down the beach towards their respective boats, unaware of the Dark Lord's true intent and purpose. Jeff grinned evilly one more time as he watched the fools begin to paddle out.

"It's beginning to get interesting." he said to Nagi.

"Indeed." replied Nagi.

------------------------------------------

The girls were the first to reach their beach. As they were getting out of the boat, tragedy struck.

"Oww! Something stung me!" yelped Haruka, wincing and holding her hand.

"Let me see." said Mai concerned, as she took Haruka's hand.

"Are you ok?" asked Midori.

Haruka's hand was getting redder and more swollen by the minute, as the girls argued over what they needed to do.

"Let's chop it off!" suggested Natsuki, as she grinned at Haruka, who was not amused.

"Ikezu Natsuki." whispered Shizuru.

"Did you see what it looked like?" asked Alyssa.

"Yes! It was a Portuguese Man Whore!!" shouted Haruka.

"Man whore? Where?" Midori jumped up and down.

Yukino sighed. "That's Man O' War...a Portuguese Man O' War Haruka-chan."

"That's what I said." Haruka coughed, as her hand continued to get worse.

"She needs medical attention quick." shouted Mai as Mikoto looked on, worried.

"First of all, I doubt it was a Portuguese Man O' War " stated Miyu matter of factly. "It was more likely a jellyfish."

The whole group spun around at the sudden appearance of Miyu Greer.

"Hey what are you doing here bucket of bolts?" asked Nao playfully.

"I'm always around when the unexplainable needs an explanation." Miyu half-smiled.

Everyone nodded their heads, as this seemed to be true. Whenever something in the Hime/Otome universe needed explaining Miyu was always there with some form of knowledge.

"Plus I'm Miss Alyssa's luxury item." Miyu smiled at Alyssa, who hugged her robot friend tightly.

"What?? No fair! How come she gets a robot? Where's my robot? Why don't I get a robot? Or a computer? I miss Facebook!! I could be playing Parking Wars, or Pet Pupz, or be Super Pokin, or checking my Lil Green Patch, or playing Pirates Vs. Ninjas, or answering friggin hard trivia about Beverly Hills 90210 and The Simpsons!" Natsuki went off as Shizuru tried to calm her down.

"Hey everyone remember me? The one whose dying here?" asked Haruka

"Oh right. Well the reason I mentioned it was a jellyfish rather than the Man O' War is because treatment for the stings is different. In the case of your jellyfish, the poison can easily be taken care of if one of your friends would be so kinda as to urinate on the wound.

The entire group minus Miyu and Alyssa sweatdropped.

"I will! I will!" shouted Midori, Nao and Shizuru in unison.

"Oh hell no!" screeched Haruka. "Yukino will do it! Yukino come here." Haruka beckoned her shy best friend.

Everyone except Haruka had caught on that Yukino was madly in love with her. This being said, the thought of peeing on Haruka's hand mortified Yukino to no end.

"Um, no Haruka-chan, I don't think I can." Yukino said weakly.

"Of course you can! Here we'll go behind those rocks over there and then you can turn around and crouch down and then I'll just stick my hand under your---" Haruka was interrupted.

"Gack! No!" yelled Yukino

"If she won't I will." grinned Nao deviously.

"No way! I don't want to catch a DVD!" cried Haruka.

Yukino began to run away, but not before correcting her friend. "That's STD Haruka! STD!"

"Nao, I'll give you 20 bucks to catch her and bring her back here." Haruka said, stuffing a twenty in Nao's greedy little paws.

"Done!" Nao said as she raced past the group, catching up with Yukino in no time flat.

"Whoa...who knew Nao was so fast?" asked Midori

"For the right motivation I can even impress myself sometimes." Nao yelled back.

Nao draped the struggling girl over her shoulders and raced back to Haruka, plopping her down on the sand in front of the blonde. Haruka then dragged her friend behind the rocks she had mentioned earlier and a struggled ensued.

Finally after some time, both girls emerged. Yukino looked completely embarrassed while Haruka looked great, giving the thumbs up sign and mouthing "success" to the rest of the group. As things settled down the girls got to work building their shelter, and finding food. Yukino even managed to get over her earlier embarrassment, as she used her glasses, and started a fire with Mai. As the day began to wind down, the group soon began to engage in talks of strategy.

Natsuki and Shizuru had gone to find the water hole. As they made their way to the spot marked X on the map, Natsuki noticed that Shizuru seemed down.

"Shizuru? Are you ok? What is it" asked Natsuki concerned.

"Ara, Natsuki it's nothing. I'm fine. Don't worry." said the Kyoto-ben, trying her best to reassure her girlfriend.

"Shizuru, you can't fool me that easily." Natsuki said, as she dropped the water canteens and grabbed Shizuru's hand, turning the girl to face her.

As their eyes met, Natsuki leaned in and gave Shizuru a soft kiss, wrapping her arms around the girl.

"Tell me?" she whispered.

"I'm sorry Natsuki, I just remember the last time we were all together like this. It feels like Deja Vu. I can't shake the feeling that something is not right here." Shizuru said.

"But babe, it's different now. Things are different. This is not the carnival, and you and I are a team now. This time I won't fail you. I love you Shizuru." Natsuki finished as she looked at Shizuru once more.

"Natsuki, do you mean it?" Shizuru's heart soared as she realized Natsuki was serious.

"Of course! Let's form a lesbian alliance!" grinned Natsuki as she began to kiss Shizuru's neck.

"HAHAHAHA FOOLS" grinned Jeff as he watched from his hiding spot in the bushes.

"Did you hear that?" asked Natsuki

"Yes" said Shizuru as both girls looked around.

"Your microphone is on my lord." mused Nagi as he tried to help the Dark Lord with his equipment.

"HAHAHAHA er...i mean..."cough" YOU HEARD NOTHING!!!" Jeff challenged them.

"STILL ON!!" sighed Nagi. "And coughing before you say something doesn't cover it up."

"Ok sorry about that. "cough" LOSER "cough"

Jeff smiled as Nagi rolled his eyes. What was next? Sharks with frickin laser beams attached to their heads?

Natsuki and Shizuru were about to contemplate the voices they heard, when they were interrupted by Nao. Nao was sitting in the tree above them and had overheard their entire conversation.

"I want in." she stated coolly. "Or I tell the others about your little alliance."

"The others would be stupid not to realize that Shizuru and I will not vote against each other." Natsuki shot back.

"Precisely." admitted Nao. "That's why an alliance with me is exactly what you need. We make it to the final 3 and you two can each take each other if you win. If I win I will let you choose which one of you faces me in the final. You will have the best chance to beat me anyways because you know I'm gonna screw people over and piss them off." Nao seemed proud of that fact.

Before Natsuki could decline, Shizuru spoke. "That does sound too good to be true Nao-chan. How do we know we can trust you?" she asked.

"Well of course you know you can't! I'm Nao! Hello? I mean I'm not going to piss on your leg and tell you it's raining." she paused "Although Yukino might."

Everyone laughed at that, as visions of Haruka forcing Yukino to urinate on her hand, clouded their minds.

"Anyways like I was saying, I'm not gonna piss on your leg and tell you it's raining, you know you probably CAN"T trust me. But I think it's in your best interests to have me as your third." she finished.

Shizuru and Natsuki looked at each other before putting their hands out. Nao put her hand on top of theirs and a brand new power alliance was born. Unbeknownst to them, the others had begun to form alliances too.

"Mikoto! You know what we have to do." Mai whispered to the cat-like girl laying beside the fire. "Remember no more of THESE.." Mai paused as she pointed to the pillows Mikoto loved so much. "Unless we win that million."

Mikoto nodded her head. She vowed nothing would stand in the way of her and Mai's pillows.

"Akira and Takumi are also in our alliance. We definitely have a shot to bring home the big prize." she smiled as she stroked Mikoto's hair.

Mai, Mikoto, Akira and Takumi had made a secret pact as they were leaving shore to work together for the prize. The girls agreed that the money would go to paying Takumi's large hospital bills and buying his medication. Takumi had other plans.

"Jet-Skis and Gold Chains for ALL my friends" he thought happily.

Mai and Mikoto's thoughts were interrupted as Midori called them over. She was standing with Alyssa, Yukino, and Haruka.

"Ok guys we need to make a team name. Any ideas?" she asked.

"We don't even need to try. We already have fire." reminded Nao.

"True." stated Alyssa

"NO! We can't back down from a challenge." raged Haruka, as Shizuru and Natsuki joined the group, nodding their heads in agreement.

"Ok how about some ideas then?" asked Midori again.

"How about Crap Bag?" offered Nao.

"Shut up!" yelled Natsuki

"Jem and The Holograms?" suggested Mai

"Sweet! I loved Jem." squealed Midori.

"No way!" argued Haruka.

"yurianimeotaku!!" yelled Natsuki.

"What the hell is that? Get your head out of your ass dog." griped Nao.

"Sounds scary." added Alyssa.

Midori and Yukino were trying to keep the peace as the noise level began to rise.

"AnimeJock!!" yelled Natsuki again.

"What the hell?" asked Haruka annoyed.

"Stop making things up dog." Nao punched Natsuki in the gut.

"I can't help it! The names just pop into my head. It's like I know them or they know me. As if they have written things about me. Nice things. Bad things. SCARY things!" Natsuki looked around as if she was being followed.

"Uh oh looks like a case of Island Fever." said Miyu shaking her head.

"I always feels like somebody's watching me. Who's playing tricks on me? I always feel like somebody's watching me..." Natsuki trailed off as Shizuru finished the song line.

"I can't enjoy my tea!" she giggled.

"PEOPLE! Please! Hot Jeff will be seeing us soon and I want to impress him with a kick ass name." said Midori.

"Lez Girls!!" yelled Natsuki.

This time the entire group grabbed Natsuki and threw her into the ocean.

"Ok let's all just write our pick onto this piece of paper." suggested Yukino handed a marker to everyone. "Then we will pull them out of pile. That way it's fair." she finished.

"Ok. That sounds good. But we have to agree that there is no complaining with whatever is picked." agreed Mai.

The girls decided that was the only way they would ever agree on anything and commenced writing down their suggestions for the tribe name. Once they were done, they gathered around the fire and decided that Shizuru should pull the name as she was the ex-kaichou, and they had the most respect for her. Well except of course Haruka, but she was out-voted.

Shizuru ran her hands over the pile of crumpled papers, stopping to pick one up. Everyone looked at her expectantly as she opened it up and read the name.

"SuperBad" she read, her eyebrows furrowed.

"YES!" exclaimed Nao grinning, as her tribe name was picked.

Collective cursing could be heard echoing through the tiny beach, as the newly formed SuperBad tribe prepared for their first competition. What lies ahead for our Himes? Only the next chapter will tell.

End Chapter 2

Next Chapter: Jeff is looking pimp! We meet the other tribe! Someone dies!

**Miyu and Alyssa's cybertronic Omake **

Miyu: Well Miss, since it seems as though we are stuck on this island, I better cancel our dates for Friday Night. ((taking out electronic day planner))

Nao: bwahahaha! You two have dates?

Miyu: Tuesday I am supposed to see Bender, Wednesday it's Robot Man, Thursday R2-D2, and Friday Miss and I have a double date with Megatron and Astroboy.

Alyssa: ((Eyes glazed with lust)) Astroboy!

Nao: ((grinning)) did you say AsssssssstroGLIDE?

Miyu: ((pulling out the super awesome sword thingy)) I suggest you retract that statement.

Nao: ((sweatdrop)) Er yes. Sorry that sounds good. And Megatron well, he sounds Badass!

Miyu: Oh he is. He's a freaky bot. Likes to wear my underwear.

Nao/Alyssa/ and Author: ((faceplant sweatdrop))

Miyu: Maybe I won't cancel that last date ((evil robot grin))

End Omake.

Well what do you think so far? Reviews and feedback welcome! Next chapter we may actually get to a challenge LOL! No promises tho!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:**

Please Read and Enjoy! Reviews always loved and welcomed;)

**Disclaimer:**

Once again I've ripped off too many things to name them all. So once again let's just say I don't own Mai Hime/Otome or any other officially licensed products ;) lol

"**Isle of Survivor" by My Hairy Brother--sung to the tune of "Eye of The Tiger" by Survivor**

Castaways, stranded alone

Got no beer, got no Game Boy

Can't call for pizza on your coconut phone

Got to rough it on national TV

Lord of the Flies, while the tape rolls

Got to build an alliance

Each tribal council could be your curtain call

'Less, of course, you've won immunity

It's the isle of "Survivor"

where they're takin' their shot

At one mil, but the contract had a rider

It takes more than a taste for rat to win you the pot

'Cause each week they kick one off the isle

Isle of "Survivor"

Every week I watch with my friends

While they scheme in Rattana

But if I have to see Rich naked again

I just might snap, and shoot my TV

It's the isle of "Survivor"

where the faces are long

As they wish rice were just the appetizer

You might root for the Tagi, or perhaps the Pagong

In the challenges held on the isle

Isle of "Survivor"

It's the isle of "Survivor" where

America tunes

Every Thursday a CBS reviver

It might seem kinda silly but we watch these buffoons

As they bicker and starve on the isle Isle of "Survivor"

**Chapter 3:**

Reito sighed as he looked around at his fellow tribe mates. He had really been hoping that it wouldn't be boys vs. girls as he was already fed up with the sausage-fest.

**Reito Confessional:**

_So as I looked around at my tribe mates, I thought Great! What a bunch of winners. I mean I would have loved to see some tits and ass ya know? We do have Akane-chan for eye candy I suppose, but she's hanging all over that dweeb Kazuya. And you know what that means? No play for Rei-Rei..._

As Reito continued ranting about his tribe mates to the camera, Akira quickly pulled Akane aside.

"Don't you think this is all a little strange?" asked Akira.

"Of course, I mean I can see why you're on the boys team.." she trailed off looking at Akira's chest. "But these babies don't belong here." she said as she lifted her shirt, giving Akira an eyeful.

"Acck! Ok! Yes I see that you are more endowed then me, but that's not what I meant." sighed Akira, putting her hands to her face, hoping not to be flashed again. Akira decided to keep quiet about it for now and hope that everything was all right.

Sergay was walking around in circles, talking to himself. "One minute I'm here, the next minute I'm there." he kept mumbling.

Tuxedo Mask was busy throwing roses into the water, trying hard to stab a fish. "Damnit! My roses always work in my universe." he said unhappily.

Tate and Takeda started to build the shelter, all the while arguing over who was more gay.

"Your so gay you were at the emergency room with Richard Gere and the gerbil!!!" taunted Tate.

"Oh yeah well your so gay if your mattress could talk it would be Joan Rivers!!" countered Takeda.

"Yeah well your so gay you're starring in High School Musical 3." laughed Tate.

"So? Zac Efron is hot. Anyways your so gay you adore Judy Garland." yelled Takeda.

"Your so gay you hate Judy Garland." shouted Tate.

"Well your so gay you hate people who hate Judy Garland." grinned Takeda.

"Oh is that so? Well your so gay that you love people who hate Judy Garland." Tate fired back.

"Well your so gay you don't give a damn about Judy Garland!" Takeda got into Tate's face.

"Your so damn gay you don't even know who Judy Garland is!" Tate spat out.

"ENOUGH!!!!!!!!" roared Reito. "My head hurts." he sighed before regaining his composure. "I think we should pick a tribe name before it starts to get dark. Then we can split up and get the rest of camp ready before the challenge. Anyone have any thoughts? Any thoughts that don't include Judy Garland, Donna Summers or Barbara Streisand?" he asked looking directly at Tate and Takeda.

"I've got a name." said Takumi finally. He proceeded to tell the others what he wanted to name the tribe and the majority liked it, while a handful didn't give a rat's ass, so they all went along with it.

"That is so super sweet." grinned Takeda, as he high-fived Takumi.

"Very interesting." mused Reito.

"I like it!" smiled Akane.

"Then it's settled!" yelled Kazuya putting his hand in the air as the rest of the tribe joined him.

"Let's get it ON." drawled Reito, flipping his sunglasses down and looking completely cool and straight.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After receiving tree-mail instructing them on where they would be competing, both tribes met up with Jeff.

"Come on in guys" said Jeff, ushering them onto two different colored mats. "Let's get down to it. I am going to reveal the tribe names and as I do I will give you all your Survivor buffs." Jeff finished.

Midori was looking at Jeff with that certain sumthin sumthin in her eyes. Jeff backed away a little bit as she handed him their chosen tribe name.

"Ok ladies, you will be called SuperBad." Jeff laughed at the name. The Dark Lord loved Michael Cera and couldn't wait till Juno would be coming out on DVD. Jeff then made his way over to the guys, plus cross dressers, plus Akane team. Reito smiled and removed his sunglasses, staring at the girl's team with his best "sexy look". This one he called Blue Steel. He then handed the tribe name to Jeff.

Jeff looked perplexed. "Timmy And The Lords Of The Underworld???"

"Nono! It's TIMMAY! And The Lords Of The Underworld!" corrected Takumi.

"That's what I said, Timmy." argued Jeff.

"No TIMMAY!" corrected Takeda.

"And The Lords Of The Underworld!" yelled Tate, as he and Takeda, Kazuya, Takumi and Akane began to head bang.

"Fuck The What??" yelled Nao.

"This isn't Rock Band you idiots." shouted Haruka.

Meanwhile Midori, Alyssa and Miyu had joined the group and were rocking along with the others. Alyssa would yell out "TIMMAY!" and everyone else would yell out "And The Lords Of The Underworld!". Jeff once again had to regain control of the tribes.

"Allright SuperBad you will be the red team." he said passing out buffs to the girls. "TIMMAY! which is what I am going to call you for now because the rest is too long, you will wear the blue buffs." Jeff handed Reito the buffs to pass around to his team.

"As for the challenge, well that wasn't really a challenge. We were just to lazy to look up anything Japanese in our big book of multi-culturalisms and so we just decided to pass the buck to you." Jeff smiled as the Survivors looked puzzled, and Nagi smacked his hand to his head in the background.

"Ok let's get to the first challenge. It is for both reward and immunity. There are several elements. All nine of you must go under the mud crawl, once everyone is through, three tribe members will tackle the box maze. Your goal is to maneuver a ball from the start to the finish net. Once the ball gets into the net, take it with you as it has matches you will need later. The next stage, all nine must cross a very narrow balance beam. If you fall off or if your feet hit the net at any time you have to start from the beginning. Once all nine have finished, three different tribe members will race to build a fire that will burn a rope and light a torch. Light it and cross the finish line. First tribe with a lit torch to cross the finish line and light the final walk wins rewards. Want to know what your playing for?" finished Jeff.

Everyone shook their heads yes.

"For reward you will receive flint. You already have steel and a machete, hopefully this will help you out if you have not built a fire yet. Also what first challenge would be complete without a feast."

Everyone looked under the tarp Jeff was holding as he lifted it up and there was a large platter of various cheese, crackers and wine. Everyone cheered enthusiastically as Jeff then looked seriously at the group.

"The second thing you'll be playing for is more important then reward." Jeff said as he uncovered the immunity idol. "This is what you need to stay in the game, and ensure your chance at staying another three days." he tried to sound ominous. "Ready to play? Take your spots on the start and wait for my go."

TIMMAY! and SuperBad both lined up beside each other. Reito and Mai were taunting each other, while Tate and Haruka were questioning each other's manhood. Shizuru and Natsuki were looking pleased, as they weren't worried, and Akane and Yukino wished each other luck.

"Survivors ready? For Reward and Immunity...GO!" he shouted and they were off.

Both tribes managed to make it through the mud relatively quickly, Alyssa and Reito led the pack. Midori was shocked that the little pipsqueak was so fast. Tate, Takeda and Tux reached the box maze first, followed closely by Shizuru, Mai and Mikoto. The girls had no trouble getting their ball in the net, as the guys struggled a bit, losing some ground.

Both tribes were now on their way to the balance beam. Alyssa was the first to cross, as she easily ran down and to the other side. Unfortunately for the rest of SuperBad, she made it look easy, as they were all taller and had to crouch down. Haruka lead the way, as she shimmied across the beam, followed by Yukino, Mai and Midori. Mikoto had no problem crawling along in her cat-like way. Nao was pushing Natsuki to hurry up and Shizuru was right behind her.

"Go Kuga Go! Snapped Nao.

"I'm going! I'm going!" Natsuki yelled back frustrated.

On the guys side, Akane and Akira had each made it successfully across and were encouraging their tribe members to do the same. Reito slipped down and began to slide across, careful not to chafe certain places. Unfortunately for Tate, he was not so careful and it seemed he got "wood" on the wood, if you know what I mean. After yelping in pain, he fell off the beam, taking Sergay with him, and landing with a huge thud into the mud.

"Get up! Back to the start!" yelled Jeff as Sergay and Tate scrambled to get back on.

Natsuki and Nao had both crossed and it was only Shizuru left still on the beam. Shizuru quickly scaled the rest of it, making it look easy as she turned to wink at Reito. She loved to tease.

Yukino, Natsuki and Nao rushed to the fire pit and began to throw kindling into it. "Smaller! Smaller!" yelled Yukino as she lit the match and Nao blew on it. The girls watched as their fire soared higher and the rest of their tribe mates cheered them on. Tuxedo Mask flew across the balance beam, pushing Kazuya and Takumi along with him. Tate, Takeda and Sergay were still having problems getting across.

The Dark Lord was having problems telling them apart. "Ok so which one is that again?" he asked Nagi pointing to Sergay.

"That's Sergay my lord, remember you conjured him up." Nagi looked hopeful.

"Well he sucks!! Prepare the sharks with friggin laser beams on their heads!!!!" Jeff commanded.

"Not again!" groaned Nagi.

"Nagi...SHARKS! NOW!" bellowed the Dark Lord impatiently.

The fire lit the torch and Nao grabbed it as the whole tribe raced to the finish. Nao ran ahead of the pack, lighting the walk and eventually everyone caught up as she reached the top of a high platform, lighting the final fire. The fire took and a large flame engulfed the platform. SuperBad cheered and hugged each other. High-fives and pats on the back were given all around. Natsuki and Shizuru celebrated with a kiss, which caused an already disoriented Takeda to fall off the beam and onto his head once more.

Haruka searched out Yukino to give her a hug, and as the two girls embraced, neither one of them seemed to want to let go. "Good job Yukino" smiled Haruka, still holding her friend. Yukino blushed and then she leaned in and very softly gave Haruka a kiss, square on the lips. Haruka's eyes went wide, but she didn't let go of Yukino. Before she could really register or react to what happened, Yukino turned around and Haruka found her face nuzzled into the younger girl's untameable hair. Instinctively she sighed and kept her arms wrapped around Yukino's waist.

Jeff handed the Immunity Idol to Alyssa who raised it high in the air. Reito looked annoyed. Akira was clearly pissed at her team, while Akane was making sure Kazuya hadn't injured any "important" parts. Midori scooped Alyssa up and onto her shoulders as the girls continued cheering. At that moment, from out in the sea, a commotion could be heard.

"What is THAT?" exclaimed Natsuki.

"Ara, is that a shark?" questioned Shizuru.

"With a friggin laser beam on it's head?" finished Nao.

The SuperBad tribe watched in shock and amusement, as a large laser beam blast came flying towards the beach. Sergay had no time to think or react as he was struck down by the massive red light.

"Arghhh!" he yelled before disappearing into thin air.

His tribe mates huddled together confused.

"Who was that?" asked Reito

"That was Sergay!" exclaimed Akira.

"Oh I just thought he was you." Reito said pointing at Takeda.

"I thought he was Tate." Takumi mused.

"TIMMAY! Tribe. That was a very unfortunate accident your tribe mate suffered. Unfortunately he is dead and gone. The good news is, now you don't have to go to tribal council and sit through a long, boring, drawn-out recap of what we already know has happened." grinned Jeff evilly. TIMMAY! nodded in agreement soon forgetting all about Sergay and the SWFLOTH.

"Ok guys you can all head back to camp. Congratulations SuperBad. Enjoy your victory because you have no idea what tomorrow holds." Jeff stated.

As the two tribes began the long walk back, only a handful of people seemed to find the days events suspicious. Natsuki and Shizuru whispered among themselves, discussing what had taken place. Eventually they decided Sergay was pointless anyways and it was no big loss. Besides they had other things to worry about as Midori was making big plans for all that wine they had received.

Next Time on Survivor: Midori and Nao enjoy quality time together!

End Chapter 3

**Shizuru's Fanfiction Omake**

InuKuga crouched on the branch above the beautiful Miko. She had been trying, unsuccessfully for weeks now to steal the Sacred Jewel Shard from the priestess. This time she vowed not to fail. As the Miko left her small hut for the day, InuKuga snuck in and snatched the precious jewel.

"Finally!" yelled InuKuga, twitching her ears.

"I don't think so pup." came a voice from the other side of the room.

It was Shizuru, the most powerful Miko in all of Feudal Japan. She had her bow aimed right at the heart of InuKuga. InuKuga backed up and then taunted the Miko.

"Try it!" she growled, baring her teeth. "You know you can't hurt me" she challenged, knowing the the Miko had a soft spot in her heart for the Hanyou.

"Your right, I can't" said Shizuru putting down the bow. "But I have other ways." Shizuru grinned mysteriously.

"Huh?" asked the wolf demon confused.

Shizuru grabbed InuKuga's arm and pulled her close. The wolf demon started to blush furiously at the beautiful Miko who was just inches away from her face. Shizuru leaned down and whispered softly into InuKuga's ear.

"LAY!" she commanded.

"Gack!" yelped InuKuga as she was thrust violently onto her back. "What the hell was that?" she screamed.

"You like it?" Shizuru grinned as she pointed to the cursed necklace around InuKuga's neck.

"It's just a little something I cooked up while you were asleep." Shizuru smiled down at the confused Hanyou. As InuKuga tried to get up, Shizuru pushed her down again.

"LAY!" she yelled. "LAY! LAY! LAY!" she giggled as InuKuga was repeatedly thrown to the ground...

Natsuki: Shizuru what are you doing?

Shizuru: Ara, Ara, I'm writing fanfiction Natsuki. My pen name is ShotgunNeko, have you read any of my work?

Natsuki: ((eyes go wide)) The Crack Fic Addict! ((crosses arms))

Shizuru: Ikezu! Does Natsuki not want to be in my fanfiction?

Natsuki: Hell no! You always have me doing something stupid.

Shizuru: Ok my Natsuki, no more ShizNat fanfiction for me ok?

Natsuki: ((smiling and relieved)) Thank you Shizuru.

Shizuru: ((deleting current document and starting a new one))

Natsuki: Whatcha doing now?

Shizuru: Well Natsuki was so adamant about not being in my fics, so I had to change my story.

Natsuki: To what?

Shizuru: SHIZNAO! ((begins typing furiously))

Nao: ((crawls out from under Shizuru's desk)) Can't wait to see what you cook up for us Shiz!

Natsuki: Gak! ((faceplant))

End Omake

Ok ok! I am in no way comparing myself to Shizuru lol as she is beautiful, graceful and awesome while me---not so much but I thought it would be funny if she was a crack fic writer. Well there you go my friends another cracked chapter finished. Thanx again to everyone for reading and reviewing. If you like it then let me know! Take care friends and as always Peace!

ShotgunNeko


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **

Keep reading and reviewin peeps! PWEASE??? lol This chapter was tough, so please enjoy.

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own Mai Hime/Sailor Moon/South Park or any other ideas I may have ripped off. Er come up with. LOL

**Chapter 4:**

For losing the first challenge, the TIMMAY! tribe was in pretty good spirits. As they got back to camp, the guys decided to go swimming while Akane motioned for Akira to hang back.

"What's up?" asked Akira, eyebrow raised.

"Well, remember how you asked me if I thought something was strange earlier?" Akane whispered, so the boys wouldn't hear her. "I think I know what it is." Akane finished cautiously.

"Really?" asked Akira, surprised that Akane had anything besides Kazuya on her mind.

Akane nodded her head, as Akira waited for her revelation.

"Almost everyone on our team, is SOOOO GAY!" she exclaimed frantically.

Akira's eyes widened as Akane continued.

"I mean, I was thinking about it, and I remembered Kazu-kun also LOVES Judy Garland!" Akane cried.

"Now that you mention it Takumi HATES people who LOVE Judy Garland." Akira said, registering the severity of their boyfriends possibly playing for the other team. "In fact Takumi is SOOO GAY he liked me when he thought I was a guy."

Akane's face registered shock and horror as she hugged Akira's tightly. "You poor child!"

"The only ones besides us who possibly aren't gay are Reito and Tux Boy." Akane pointed to Tuxedo Mask, who at the moment was frolicking with Tate and Takeda in the water.

"Mamo-chan look at me!" yelled Tate happily.

"No Mamo-chan play with me instead!" smiled Takeda, sticking out his tongue at Tate.

"Well there goes that theory." Akane said as she rolled her eyes.

"Maybe your overreacting Akane-chan." said Akira. "I mean I've never gotten that vibe from Kazuya."

At that moment, Kazuya joined Tate and Takeda as he began to sing.

_Rain or shine,_

_I'm happiest,_

_when I'm with _

_Tuxedo Mask_

_He makes me smile,_

_He makes me laugh,_

_I just love _

_Tuxedo Mask!_

Tuxedo Mask clapped and Kazuya took a bow.

"Did Mamo-chan like my song?" he asked with large chibified eyes.

Tuxedo Mask leaned down and gave Kazuya a pat on the head. "Of course little one, of course."

"Hoorah!" yelled Tate and Takeda in the background.

Akira stared in disbelief at the scene in front of her. She then turned to see Akane stalking off towards the tree-mail. Akane looked as though she was going to hurt someone or something. Akira took a deep breath. She didn't want to be around when that volcano erupted.

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Haruka had gone off by herself once the tribe had returned to camp. She had actually wanted to ask Yukino to join her, but for some reason she couldn't find the words. Lately she was feeling extremely confused about her friendship with Yukino. She had been wanting to talk to her best friend since the Carnival had ended. She still had questions she needed answered but every time she wanted to ask Yukino about it, she lost her nerve.

As much as everyone believed Haruka was dense about Yukino's feelings, she truly wasn't. She had thought about it a lot. About why she had been the most important person to Yukino. At first she was content to believe it was because they were best friends, and that Yukino looked up to her. As time wore on though, she realized, most of the people who had disappeared when the CHILDS were defeated, were romantically involved with that Hime. Or the Hime wanted to be romantically involved with their most important person.

Kazuya, Tate, Natsuki, Shizuru, and Midori's professor boyfriend all were part of that group. Could she be part of that group too? Could Yukino's feelings for her be more than friendship? And if this is true why did she not feel completely freaked out about it? In fact the more she thought about Yukino, the stronger her feelings for her friend seemed to get.

"Damnit what's wrong with me?" she wondered out loud.

Before she had a chance to respond to her own question, two thin arms wrapped around her waist. As she turned around to face the person, she was shocked to see that it was Yukino.

"Haruka-chan, where have you been?" asked Yukino looking disheveled, as she hiccuped.

"Um,Yukino have you been drinking?" Haruka asked, knowing the answer before she said it. She had forgotten about the alcohol they had received for reward.

"Yup!" grinned Yukino almost falling over, inadvertently throwing herself into Haruka's arms.

"Yukino, you know you can't hold your alcohol." Haruka sighed as she picked the smaller girl up and began to carry her back up the beach. "There's a little cave close to camp, let's sleep there tonight, until you feel better." she said softly.

"I love you Haruka-chan." Yukino smiled happily wrapping her arms around Haruka's neck and leaning into her.

Haruka almost lost her footing, hearing Yukino's words. Then she remembered the girl was not in her right mind at the moment, and to forget what she just said. All she wanted to do right now was get Yukino somewhere safe and then they could both rest.

Unfortunately for her and anyone else trying to get rest on the small island tonight, it was going to be one tough feat.

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Midori and Nao were LOUD. Natsuki was ready to kill them both. Everyone, except Haruka, had taken part in the drinking of the wine, but these two in particular were still having a good old time. Natsuki was currently laying in the boat they rowed to shore with, along with Shizuru. Natsuki's luxury item had been a tarp-like cover, and it was at the moment, occupying herself and Shizuru nicely.

The beautiful moonlight, the warm wind on her face, and her wonderful girlfriend curled up beside her, what more could she possible want? A little peace and quiet that's what. The source of her annoyance was in short, three words.

Rubber Chicken Shots.

Nobody knew where the rubber chicken had appeared from, but somehow it had ended up in their camp. Midori had gotten the bright idea to pour the wine down the chicken's throat, after observing that it looked thirsty. Nao thought the chicken should share it and then tipped the chicken's beak to her mouth, causing the wine to pour out all over her face. Thus rubber chicken shots were born.

Nao and Midori were in their own little world as the rest of Super bad had either passed out or were trying to. Mai and Mikoto were curled up by the fire, while Miyu had built Alyssa a two story, three bedroom tree house, overlooking the beach.

This left the two redheads to their own devices. They even made up skits to go along with their newfound rubber chicken shot addiction. Midori set up a rock to look like a table as she got a rubber chicken shot ready for Nao. Nao set up the scene.

Nao: Help me! My name is Natsuki Kuga and my girlfriend wants to have smex with me! Raunchy, torrid, uninhibited sexual relations! But I'm too skeered to be the man!

Midori: (In bad chinese accent) Ahhhhhh sounds like you need rubbah cheekan shot!

Nao: Yes please! (drinking from the poor abused chicken)

Natsuki scowled in the background, as Shizuru stopped her from running back up the beach and knocking some heads.

"My turn! My turn!" squealed Midori.

Nao took her place behind the rock as Midori began to crawl towards it.

Midori: Hey y'all it's Brit-Brit! K-Fed's coming over with the kids, and I want to surprise him with fish sticks and beer. Cept I fergot I can't cook and the bad men took away all my alkyhall.

Nao: (Begins to sing) All I gots is rubber chicken shots!

Midori: (Drinking from the glorious fowl of the hour) MMMMM that stuff be the shit!

Nao: No! No! It be the Shiz!

Midori: No! It be the ShizNat!

Nao fell from laughing so hard, taking Midori down with her. The two girls continued to giggle until Midori found herself rubbing Nao's back.

Nao shuddered as she felt Midori's hands beginning to roam her body. Alarms began to go off in the younger redheads brain, yet she ignored them, as they were giving her a headache. Then Nao's body stiffened as she felt Midori's lips on her neck.

"Whoa!" Nao shot up.

"What?" asked Midori, eyes shining in a way Nao had never seen from the older girl.

Nao was, of course completely looped from the wine, and so she lay back down. Nao looked up at Midori.

"You know, for an older lady, you are kinda sexy." Nao observed, slurring her words.

"Whatever! I'm seventeen!" cried Midori, playfully punching Nao in the shoulder.

"Yeah I know.." Nao began to snicker uncontrollably. "Seventeen times two!!"

"Shutup firecrotch." snapped Midori.

Nao's eyes widened, before she began another fit of giggles, this time Midori joined her.

"Ahhh Midori, you crazy lovable pervert." Nao laughed again as once more she felt Midori's hands exploring her body.

Nao had a moment of bad judgment, as she turned her head towards Midori and kissed the older girl, full on the lips. This was just the invitation Midori needed, as she kissed Nao back, and began her seduction of the soon-to-be high schooler.

The Dark Lord had been watching all of this from his not so secret hiding place, above Alyssa's tree house. "What the hell is that?" Jeff frantically pointed to the two redheads rolling in the sand.

"And that?" he pointed to Natsuki and Shizuru.

"And what about that?" Nagi followed his gaze to Mai/Mikoto and Haruka/Yukino.

"And last but not least, do I even want to know about that?" he grimaced pointing to the tree house where Alyssa and Miyu were doing god knows what.

"I believe when two anime characters, of the female gender, engage in these such acts, it's called yuri my lord." Nagi said, never taking his eyes off the two girls.

"Yuri?" questioned Jeff. "It's like a train wreck! I want to look away but I can't!" he continued.

"Yes lesbians are definitely hot my lord." Nagi agreed.

"Lesbians? Aren't those the little green fellows, found under a rainbow?" Jeff asked confused.

"No my lord, those are leprechauns!" sighed Nagi. "Although I believe you can probably find both under the rainbow." Nagi smiled at his own joke.

"Well this "yuri" thing, is definitely an unforeseen circumstance." Jeff said. "I mean, I can't have a dark bride who has a girlfriend. I'll be the laughing stock of all the underworld social circles." Jeff fumed, putting his finger to his lips as if thinking.

Jeff finally came to the conclusion that Akane had come to earlier.

"OH MY GOD NAGI." Jeff squealed like a fourteen year old girl.

"What?" asked Nagi amused at the Dark Lord's behavior.

"I just realized that everyone on this tribe is SOOOOO GAY!" Jeff exclaimed, revelation apparent.

"Indeed." said Nagi. "Indeed."

Next time on Survivor: How will the Dark Lord's revelation affect the game? How long will Akane's sanity last? Tune in next time for another exciting (?) episode of Survivor Hime Islands.

End Chapter 4.

**Natsuki's Pissed Off Omake**

Natsuki: Yo author! What's up with giving Nao and Midori (gag) a smex scene and not The Shiz and I?

Author: I dunno, everyone writes about you two. You should be extremely worn out by now, considering the fact your having so much gratuitous smex in all these stories.

Natsuki: Actually no, in most stories I'm too afraid to have sex. Or they have me waiting years? (dies)

Author: Lies! Your having smex with The Shiz, Mai, Nao and even Miss Maria. (gags too)

Natsuki: That's just wrong!

Author: Takeda!

Natsuki: Never!

Author: Mamo-chan?

Natsuki: (sweatdroppin)

Author: Playa!

Natsuki: I just wanna do Shizuru.

Shizuru: Fufufu it's about time.

Natsuki: I'll pencil you in. How about somewhere after my threesome with Haruka and Yukino?

Shizuru: (sighs) Sloppy seconds again...

Author: (coughs) More like sloppy thirds, fourths and fifths.

Shizuru: (death glare)

Author: (dead)

End Omake

LOL ok not much happened in the way of competition, but things need to be setup. Besides I have to make the comps more interesting and that takes thinking LOL..

Please read and review as it motivates me to continue. ;) Thanx!

ShotgunNeko


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **

I know I say it a lot, but thank you to everyone who is reading and reviewing. I will be shocked if anyone is still reading after this chapter lol. Thank you to** Miggitdog** for the crack cookies. Mmmmm! Good as Mom makes! LOL

anywhore onto the chapter-----------------

but first this important reminder from DISCLAIMER!

**Disclaimer:**

Hey y'all it's Disclaimer here. Just wanting to let everyone know that I own zip/zilch/zero/notta, especially no Himes/Otomes/South Park/Austin Powers/Queer As Folk or anything else that may come up in this chappie. TY!

**Chapter 5**

After getting over his initial shock and concern about "yuri" and "lesbians", the Dark Lord decided to look them up online. Knowing that the information super highway would never lie, he became content when he read various articles that chronicled lesbianism in teenage girls, as just a "phase". He realized the girls were probably just adapting to the fact that all the men around them seemed to be gay. With his new revelation in mind, he went back to plotting the next phase of his super awesomely evil plan.

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Akane opened her eyes. It had been a long and restless night. She looked over at her beloved Kazu-kun, who was stoking the fire, while Tate and Takeda were throwing sap and kindling into it.

"Kazu-kun?" she called to him.

Kazuya, Tate and Takeda looked at her as if she had three heads.

"Kazu-kun come here!" Akane whined unhappily.

The boys looked at each other, bewildered, before Kazuya spoke.

"Who are you referring to?" he asked politely.

"You of course!" Akane rolled her eyes. She wasn't in the mood for games.

"You must have hit your head last night." He laughed, softly. "I don't know who Kazu-kun is.

"For god sakes Kazuya stop playing games. It's not funny." Akane seethed, her patience running thin.

"Mel, It's me Michael." Kazuya said.

"What???" Akane asked dumbfounded.

"Hey Lindsay get over here , your girlfriend is on crack or something." Tate yelled to Akira.

"Melanie you ok?" asked Akira.

"What the hell! Why are you calling me Melanie? Where am I? Who are you people?" Akane began to panic.

"I'm Justin." said Tate.

"And I'm Ted." called Takeda.

"As I said earlier, I'm Michael." Kazuya said again.

"HI! I'm Emmett!" called Takumi cheerfully.

Tuxedo Mask came running up, looking super broody, angst-filled and uber gay.

"No one ever forgets Brian Kinney." he half-smiled. "Carpet Muncher." he teased under his breath.

Akane's head was reeling. Brian? Justin? Michael? Emmett? And Ted? What the hell was going on?

At that moment the boys took off all their clothes and got down and dirty with each other.

The moment after that Akane woke up screaming.

"AAAAAAAHHHH NOOOOOO!" she wailed.

Akira and Takumi came running.

"Akane-chan are you okay?" asked Takumi, concerned.

"Shut up Emmett!" she snapped.

"Emmett?" Takumi raised his eyebrows.

"Shhhhh Akane-chan it's okay now." Akira said gently. "You were having a nightmare."

Akane had calmed down, realizing she had been dreaming. She narrowed her eyes, realizing what needed to be done.

"I'm ok now, thanks guys." she whispered to Akira and Takumi.

With a new resolve in her heart, Akane knew what had to be done. If she ever wanted to bring Kazuya back from Gayland, she would have to be the last one standing. With that she began to form a plan. An evil plan.

"Pssshawwww." snorted Jeff from his hiding place in a well hidden bush.

"Oh Akane-chan, your not evil enough. You're quasi-evil. You're semi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil. Just one calorie. Not evil enough." he said laughing hysterically.

Jeff continued to snicker as Nagi looked on, wondering just what crazy thing would happen next.

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At camp SuperBad, the girls were making an important decision. How to torture the damn rubber chicken. Nobody had slept a wink the night before and so they decided to get rid of the source of the problem. Because they realized they still needed Nao and Midori, it was decided the chicken would pay for their crimes.

"No don't do it!" cried Nao, looking towards the circle of girls who surrounded the poor chicken.

"Leave Arika alone!" added Midori.

"Arika?" questioned Mai.

"Yes our chicken friend, Arika Yumemiya." stated Nao matter-of-factly.

"What the hell is an Arika Yumemiya?" asked Natsuki, once again annoyed.

"I already told you dumb dog." sighed Nao, exasperated. "Arika is our beloved chicken."

"Why the hell did you name it that?" asked Natsuki, curious.

Midori just shrugged. "I dunno, it seemed like a name befitting that of a rubber chicken." she said simply.

"True dat." added Nao.

"Well whatever we are gonna do, let's do it fast. I need to lay down in the shelter." sighed Haruka. "These ultra VIOLENT rays are killing me." she finished.

Everyone waited.

They waited some more.

A tumbleweed breezed past the beach.

They continued to wait.

Finally Natsuki nudged Yukino.

"Ahem." she cleared her throat.

"Huh?" asked Yukino bewildered, and still hung over from last night's fun.

"Aren't you gonna correct her??" asked Natsuki losing her patience.

"Meh..." yawned Yukino.

Everyone faceplanted minus Haruka and Yukino.

"We should really be punishing the delinquents who abused the wine." said Haruka, ignoring the fact that everyone was still recovering from the faceplant.

"Whatever Haruka!" argued Nao. "I seem to remember someone getting pretty drunk at my fifteenth birthday party." she grinned.

"Uh, let's not bring that up." Haruka began to turn red.

"Yeah what was that song you sang again?" Midori asked. "Bubuzuke Woman? To the tune of Evil Woman by the Doobie Brothers?" Midori grinned alongside Nao.

"BOO BOO ZOO KEY WHOA MAN." shouted Nao at the top of her lungs, as Haruka's face reddened even more.

"OHHH BOO BOO ZOO KEY WHOA MAN." continued Midori.

Natsuki and Shizuru had left Nao's birthday party early and had missed out on Haruka's wonderful American Idol-esque performance.

"Hey Midori what was that other one she sang?" Nao cocked her head to the side.

"Oh I believe it was Kaichou is a bitch!!!" Midori laughed.

"Now now we don't need to go there." Haruka tried to cover Nao's lips with her hand.

"WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL have you ever met my school Fuuka's Kaichou she's the biggest bitch in the whole damn world, she's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair, she's a bitch to all the boys and girls." Midori sang happily.

" Lalalalalala on Monday she's a bitch, on Tuesday she's a bitch, on Wednesdays through Saturdays she's a bitch, then on Sundays just to be different she's a super king-king mega mega BIATCH!" Nao joined in.

"I really mean it." grinned Midori, producing spirit fingers. "Fuuka's Kaichou is a big fat feckin bitch ohhh big fat fucking bitch...Fuuka's Kaichou...CHAAAAAAAAA!!!!"

As Nao and Midori finished their big musical number, Natsuki glared at Haruka. Shizuru just laughed. She was laughing on the outside, but on the inside she was plotting Haruka's death.

And they say you don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind, you don't pull the mask off an ol' lone ranger, and you definitely don't cross The Shiz.

"This is stupid." said Alyssa, sounding bored. "Miyu you know what to do."

As the little pipsqueak commanded her robot, Miyu grabbed Arika the chicken and threw her high into the sky. Taking out her super awesome sword thingamajig she sliced poor Arika into ten perfectly cut pieces.

"OH MY GOD THEY KILLED ARIKA!" yelled Nao.

"YOU BASTARDS!" cried Midori.

Ignoring the stupidity below her, Miyu continued towards the sun, circling it three times. As she returned, a familiar smell greeted the castaways.

"MAI!!!" shouted Mikoto, looking at the older girl. "SHE'S BRINGING FOOD."

Sure enough to everyone's shock and surprise Miyu returned with ten perfectly cooked McChicken sandwiches. Mikoto grabbed hers and Mai's, taking off quickly before the busty orange haired girl could stop her.

Natsuki's eyes bulged. Her mouth watered. She pinched herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming. She really wasn't a fan of the McChicken Sandwich, in fact she was more of a Big Mac girl herself, but she knew what often accompanied McChicken Sandwiches.

"MCHICKEN SAUCE!" she squealed, grinning from ear to ear.

Because everyone knows that McChicken Sauce is just mayonnaise, disguised in a blue and white convenience package. Although if you order mayonnaise, the Mcdonaldians seem to get annoyed. Yet if you say McChicken Sauce, they are all up in that thing. It seems to be a strange occurrence of nature.

Miyu produced a large bowl filled with the blue and white packaged condiment. Natsuki grabbed the bowl, leaving three packages for the rest of the group, before running off with Shizuru, to do naughty mayo-induced type things.

She then came back to grab two more packages, leaving the group with one package to share.

She then came back again, looking sheepish, as Mai handed her the last package.

She then ran back to Shizuru, as unbeknownst to the two lovers, the Dark Lord set-up his ShizNat podcast nearby.

Just as Jeff began to film his podcast video, Nagi came running up.

"Incoming message from the big giant head." Nagi joked, quoting from his favorite tv show.

"You mean mother?" asked Jeff, suddenly afraid.

"No, I mean Mark Burnett!" Nagi sighed.

"Oh, carry on." Jeff said, relieved.

"Apparently, we screwed up last episode when we didn't snuff out Sir Gay's torch. Rule twenty three clearly states, all contestants must receive a proper tribal council farewell, regardless of injury or death." Nagi read off from his clipboard.

"Blah." mused Jeff. "MB is always fecking up my plans."

"What should we do?" questioned Nagi.

"Well I suppose next time we'll just have to drag the deceased carcass to the tribal council area immediately." Jeff said, more interested in the ShizNat mayo extravaganza then anything Nagi had to say.

At that moment Shizuru and Natsuki were interrupted by Takeda.

Takeda? What was going on?

Poor Takeda had been sent to get water by his tribe mates, and somehow he had read the map wrong, ending up on SuperBad's beach. Takeda had the misfortune of wandering too close to Natsuki and Shizuru's "mayo love-fest/nest" and he had seen things that no man or woman should ever see.

MASSIVE. NOSEBLEED.

Shizuru hated to be interrupted when she was having Natsuki time. In fact, it was the one thing that could set off the normally calm ex-kaichou. As Natsuki moved to cover her naked, mayo covered body from Takeda's vision, Shizuru's eyes glowed red with fury.

"Kiyohime!" she whispered, not even realizing what she was doing.

Even more surprisingly the large, six-headed, purple snake appeared out of nowhere, ready to obey it's master.

"Whoa! Well that was unexpected." remarked Jeff, still watching through podcast vision.

"How was she able to summon her CHILD, without the orphans my lord?" Nagi's eyes were wide, as he remembered the carnage that Shizuru had bestowed upon the Carnival the last time.

"It's a rule Nagi." Jeff said seemingly disinterested. "If I declare a Hime carnival, under whatever circumstances, the CHILDS become active as well."

"Don't you think the Himes will figure out this is a new Carnival now that a CHILD has been summoned?" Nagi asked keeping his eyes on Kiyohime the entire time.

"Ahhh Nagi, it's all part of the fun." Jeff grinned evilly as he sent the podcast to everyone on his Facebook account.

"Indeed." thought Nagi. "Indeed."

On the Next exciting (?) episode of Survivor: FIT HITS THE SHAN!!! Can Takeda outrun Kiyohime? Why does Takumi have a CHILD? Someone else will die! Were just getting started! Tune in next time!

End Chapter 5

**Facebook Frenzy Omake**

Nao and Natsuki enter each carrying laptop, sitting down to face each other, laptops open. They each log into Facebook and the fun begins.

**Natsuki Kuga Drop Kicked Nao Yuuki.**

Natsuki: Ho ho ho I be Super Pokin!

Nao: Whatevs puppy check this out.

**Nao Yuuki Threw Britney at Natsuki Kuga**

Natsuki: Gak! I knew you were evil! Just for that Imma do this!

**Natsuki Kuga Bitch Slapped Nao Yuuki**

Nao: (ghetto voice) Oh no you didn't! Okay you asked for it pups!

**Nao Yuuki decided to Freak With Shizuru Fujino.**

Natsuki: HEY! No fair!

**Shizuru Fujino Spanked Nao Yuuki**

Natsuki looks behind herself to see The Shiz sitting there grinning with her own laptop in hand.

Natsuki: Shizuru! How could you?

Shizuru: (pouting) Ara, Natsuki am I not allowed to have Facebook Fun too?

**Midori Sugiura added the Booze Mail application.**

Shizuru: And how come Natsuki never sends me any Hatching Eggs?

Natsuki: (sighing) I don't have time for that!

Shizuru: No growing gifts?

Natsuki: (rubbing her forehead)

Shizuru: Did Natsuki get the plant I sent for her Lil Green Patch?

Nao: (giggling at the words Lil Green Patch)

Natsuki: Shizuru! You're wrecking Facebook!

**Shizuru Fujino ticketed Natsuki Kuga for $5,560 in Parking Wars.**

Natsuki: ARRRGH!

**Shane McCutcheon Flirted with Shizuru Fujino.**

Natsuki: (howling) SHIZURU!!!!!

End Omake

LOL Facebook Fun! Anyways hope you enjoyed this chapter, it took forever to write. Hopefully next chapter will be up within the next two days ;) And maybe/possibly someone will get voted out? Again no promises!

Take care my friends!

ShotgunNeko


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:**

Thanx to everyone who keeps reading. Sorry it has taken so long to update. I have recently begun watching Maria-sama ga miteru and well I am hooked. I know I am probably the last one on the bandwagon LOL. Anyways good stuff. So hopefully everyone is still with me as I serve up another spoonful of crack for you all to enjoy.

"A spoonful of crack makes the fanfiction go down...in the most delightful way."---ShotgunNeko

A special thanx to my girlfriend **PH **for inadvertently creating Takumi's CHILD. Nice job baby. You rule. Also a shout out to **yurianimeotaku**'s cat "**SWEETIE**" who seems to end up in a life threatening predicament every time her owner reads my crack fics. Please forgive me kitty!

**Disclaimer:**

I am Disclaimer! Fear ME! I want everything! But own nothing!

**Chapter 6**

No one had been more surprised to see Kiyohime emerge from the shadows then Shizuru herself. It had been awhile since she had seen her former partner in crime. Kiyohime looked good. No Kiyohime looked GREAT. Shizuru had remembered her beloved snake being a little on the curvy side, but after the carnage that had ensued during the Carnival, Kiyohime had decided to get off the couch and call Jenny. Now she was a poster CHILD for Jenny Craig and new best friend of Kirstie Alley, Valerie Bertinelli and most recently Queen Latifah.

"Kiyohime!" Shizuru exclaimed excitedly.

"Holy Shit!" Takeda screamed as his eyes went wide with terror.

"Kiyohime?" Natsuki was just as surprised as Shizuru to see the CHILD in front of her.

Shizuru's eyes were closed, as if commanding the snake with her mind. At that moment Kiyohime lunged at Takeda and the chase was on. Takeda ran back to his canoe and began to paddle as fast as he could. Kiyohime was hot on his trail as she lunged into the water behind him. Luckily for Takeda, the force of her body moving through the water pushed the current forward, allowing his boat to be pushed towards his beach.

"Should we follow them?" asked Natsuki, watching the chase from their own beach.

Shizuru nodded her head.

"DURAN!" yelled Natsuki loudly.

Duran appeared in front of Natsuki and Shizuru. Unfortunately it seemed he had let himself go. While Kiyohime was busy with Jenny Craig, she had left Duran at home to look after their children, the snuppies. Taking care of four snake/puppy type CHILDS would wear anyone out and thus Duran had spent more time with the cheesy poofs and beer, then with his usual work out routine.

"Duran you're fat." stated Natsuki shocked.

"Just more of me to love." snorted Duran.

"Baka!" yelled Natsuki.

"Ara, Natsuki we need to follow Kiyohime, please continue your CHILD bashing later." Shizuru said as she climbed on Duran's back.

Natsuki followed suit and they headed after Kiyohime and Takeda. The other Himes, of course, saw Kiyohime, as she was hard to miss and soon realized they could summon their own CHILDS.

"Wait! Let's think about this for a minute." cautioned Mai, always the voice of reason.

"What's there to think about?" asked Midori.

"Well for one thing, how come we are able to summon our CHILDS?" asked Mai. "That seems a bit suspicious, maybe we should wai---."

Nao cut Mai off. "JULIA!" she yelled, happy to see her best friend once again.

The spider appeared and they embraced.

"Aww I missed you too, you crazy arachnid." grinned Nao, giving Julia a noogie.

The rest of the Himes followed suit.

"Gakutenou!"

"Diana!"

"Miroku!"

"Kagutsuchi!"

"Starscream!"

"Starscream?" asked Mai, as everyone turned to look at Haruka. Behind her was a large F-15 eagle fighting jet.

A weird cybertronic transformation sound was then heard as everyone looked up to see a giant blue, white, and red robot hovering over them.

"What the freak?" yelled Nao, eyes wide.

"Starscream is my CHILD." said Haruka simply, hands on hips.

"No way!" yelled Midori.

"Yes way!" grinned Haruka.

Mai whispered to the rest of the group. "Well I didn't think the rumors were true."

"What rumors?" asked Midori.

"The rumors about Haruka joining the U.U."

"The U.U.?" asked Nao.

"Yup, UNDERLINGS UNITED. Seems Haruka and Starscream bonded in group session when she shared with him a story about her tyrannical boss. They were forever linked." finished Mai.

FLASHBACK

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. Paris, Spring of 06.

Megatron and Shizuru are sipping tea and ordering french baguettes.

Megatron: So what are you going to do today Shizuru?

Shizuru: Ara, the same thing I do everyday Megatron ----Try to date Natsuki!

Megatron: What say we do something evil to our underlings!

Shizuru: What do you have in mind?

Megatron: How about we berate them and then threaten to kill them if they don't do our dirty deeds for us?

Shizuru: Hmmm we could do that, or we could give them an unimportant task, making them believe it is important, and then laugh behind their backs about how we tricked them into doing something silly, like our drycleaning.

Megatron: Oh Shiz! You are so evil. Then can we berate and threaten?

Shizuru: Oui Oui Megatron, Oui Oui.

Shizuru and Megatron continue sipping tea, eating baguettes and laughing evilly at their poor abused underlings.

END FLASHBACK

Starscream and Haruka embraced, reliving shattered dreams.

"Ok well as long as he's on our team, it's all good right?" asked Mai, trying to break up the sappy moment.

"Right!" agreed Yukino.

"GO GO HIME RANGERS!" yelled Midori enthusiastically.

Alyssa looked at Miyu.

Miyu not wanting to be outdone by Starscream, used her cybertronic powers to transform into a large battle submarine. Unfortunately Alyssa couldn't climb the ladder to get into it. She was too short.

"Can we possibly try something a little smaller?" she asked Miyu, stamping her foot.

Miyu then transformed into an inflatable dingy.

"Your so not funny." Alyssa said flatly.

"Robots just want to have fun Miss." replied Miyu, as she transformed into a small jet-ski.

"That's more like it." Alyssa said as she hopped onto Miyu and they took off after the others.

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At the TIMMAY! Beach nobody was expecting what was about to happen, as Takeda came paddling through the camp, still in the canoe. Before anyone could react there was Kiyohime right behind him, ready to strike.

"Whoa I recognize that snake, it's the one that chased J-LO in the Anaconda movie." yelped Tate.

"No No! It's Monty the Python!" screamed Takeda.

"No your both wrong, it's Slimey from Sesame Street!" Akane called out, adding her two cents.

"It's Kiyohime you idiots!" Akira said angrily.

"Well whatever it is, someone needs to do something now." called Reito.

"I've got this one guys. Don't worry." Takumi said smiling. He was wearing a red ball cap that he instinctively turned backwards as he threw a red and white circular object at Kiyohime. The snake looked bewildered as it struggled and eventually disappeared in a ray of yellow light. The circular ball fell to the ground, still shaking as everyone, including Shizuru looked on.

"Hey! What did you do to my snake?" cried Shizuru.

Takumi moved to pick up the pokeball. "She's mine now. I claim her in the name of our beach. Her new name is KIYOTIMMAY!!!" he then danced like a football player on crack.

Shizuru's eyes glowed again. By this time everyone else from SuperBad had joined up with TIMMAY! and things seemed to be getting out of hand.

"Natsuki do something!" Shizuru whined.

"Hey Takumi, I'll trade ya my Jigglypuff for your KiyoTIMMAY!?" Natsuki proposed.

"Pffft!" was the only reply Takumi had.

"Ara, Natsuki please don't call my beloved Kiyohime by that horrible name." begged Shizuru.

"Don't worry Shizuru , we can take Kiyohime back by force. Look there's nine of us and only three of them." Natsuki said pointing to Akane, Akira and now Takumi who had Shizuru's CHILD.

"Yeah! Let's get them!" Midori yelled, getting the team riled up.

"He ain't heavy, he's my brother!!" added Mai. "But that doesn't mean he's not an annoying twerp."

"Let's kick some tanks! er—ass!" muttered Haruka.

"I'm with you Haruka-chan." nodded Yukino in agreement.

"Mai! If I kick their butts can I have food?" grinned Mikoto.

"Mmmhmmm!" smiled Mai.

Just as SuperBad was about to attack, Takumi nodded his head, as if to say no.

"Sorry ladies, I can't let you win this game." he smiled, as he produced another red and white pokeball from his pocket.

"Another one?" asked Nao.

"Where is he getting them from Mai?" said Mikoto, eyes big, as she tugged on Mai's sleeve.

"Now ladies, if you please, feel the wrath of ---DYKEAMON!" he yelled the last part and threw the ball into the air.

Everyone watched in amazement as the ball exploded and out popped Dykeamon.

Miyu analyzed the situation. "Dykeamon is a pokemon who uses mind control power to trick poor defenseless lesbians into believing what she wishes them to believe."

"Well that's just silly..." Natsuki trailed off.

"Is it?" asked Takumi. "Dykeamon use U-HAULIN now!"

The pokemon used it's U-HAULIN power of persuasion and all the females on SuperBad began to react.

"Shizuru---Shizuru...I have this need to rent a u-haul and move in with you." cried Natsuki holding her head.

"Oh Natsuki as much as I wish it were you talking, you must fight it. Fight the dykeyness!" Shizuru held onto Natsuki as Natsuki continued trying to push her to an imaginary U-haul further up the beach.

"Mai let's shack up!" yelled Mikoto, grabbing Mai's chest.

"Mikoto! I---I will meet you at the U-haul." Mai said pointing to the imaginary U-hauls that were all parked side by side.

"I am sooo not a dyke." yelled Nao trying to fight it.

"Me neither! I'm bi-curious! Except when I'm drunk..." Midori hiccuped. "Oh shit..." she trailed off as she too began to follow the others to the wonderful world of U-haulin goodness.

"Yukino have my finger babies!" yelled Haruka, giving in to her inner dyke.

"Oh Haruka-chan, that's the hottest thing you've ever said." Yukino sighed as she took Haruka's hand and they headed towards the U-hauls.

As U-HAULIN only affects girls that are prone to dyke-ing out, or girls who have tendencies for bi-curious relations, the only one unaffected was Alyssa. Alyssa probably would grow up to be of the lesbionic sort, but at the moment she was too young to know or care about either men or women.

"Looks like it's up to us Miyu." Alyssa surveyed the damage.

"Affirmative." stated Miyu.

"You know what to do. Attack Sequence Alpha Beta Soupa!" Alyssa commanded.

Miyu once again took out her big giant sword doo-hickey and charged at full speed towards Dykeamon slashing her in the head. "Destroy the Evil Power!" yelled Miyu as Dykeamon flew across the ocean and was therefore unable to battle.

As Dykeamon was defeated, the Himes got out of their imaginary U-hauls and looked around.

"Man anyone get the license number of that truck?" asked Natsuki rubbing her head.

"You mean U-haul?" grinned Shizuru wickedly.

"I'm still so not a dyke." Nao maintained trying to cover up the fact she had been trying to "U-haul" with Midori.

As the rest of SuperBad rejoined Alyssa and Miyu they stared down TIMMAY! with a vengeance. Both teams eyed the other one, each daring the other to make a move.

"Don't you think you should step in and regain some control?" whispered Nagi to the Dark Lord.

"Not now, it's just getting good." Jeff whispered back.

"But Mark Burnett is going to have a fit!" exclaimed Nagi.

"The ratings are up fifty percent. Marky B says this is the best season of twists ever!" laughed Jeff evilly.

"But we can't let the Himes lose my lord." sighed an exasperated Nagi.

"Don't worry Nagi, they won't. If I have anything to say about it, they definitely won't." Jeff pushed Nagi back behind the rock they were hiding behind as he continued to watch the drama play out.

"Well well well. Looks like the tables have turned boys." Haruka taunted.

"How do you put this thing in reverse?" called Midori, still in her U-haul.

"Um, it's imaginary! Stop being a douche bag and get over here." sqwaked Nao.

"Why walk when I could drive?" Midori said as she tried to shift into reverse.

Unfortunately imaginary U-hauls are backwards and reverse means forward, therefore she began to drive straight towards an unsuspecting Tuxedo Mask.

"Mamo-chan!" cried Takeda.

"Look out!" yelled Tate.

"Run!" screamed Takumi

"DIE!" grinned Akane.

Midori was helpless to stop the imaginary U-haul as it hit the caped crusader full force. He flew a few feet and then landed with a "thud" on a large spiked rock.

"OH MY GOD THEY KILLED MAMO-CHAN!" yelped Tate.

"YOU BASTARDS!" cried Takeda.

"Thank you! Thank you!" smiled Akane hugging Midori, who was getting out of the imaginary u-haul.

People everywhere rejoiced as now with Mamoru out of the way Rei had a clear field to finally go for Usagi.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**CRYSTAL TOKYO SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE.**

Neo Queen Serenity watched in horror as her husband and daughter both disappeared before her very eyes. A second later Chibi-Usa reappeared but instead of pink hair, it was dark purple.

"Hmm cool!" grinned Chibi-Usa.

The Queen didn't know what to think or say until she felt two warm arms wrap around her. As she looked up into the eyes of her beloved Sailor Mars, one thing came to mind.

"Hey Mars---HOW YOU DOIN?? " the Queen grinned as she and Sailor Mars began to get all Makey-Outy!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reito sighed as he took one last look at the mangled Tuxedo Mask and made a decision. He lifted the mask, hat and cape from the fallen superhero.

"This one is for you, Tux." Reito smiled as he donned the hat, cape and mask.

"Reito-sama!" smiled Tate.

"Rei-Rei!" grinned Takeda.

"Sexyboy2008!" smiled Takumi, shouting out Reito's email address.

"Not you too!" cried Akane.

Reito had done it. He had found his inner gay. He would take one for the team. It's the way Tux would have wanted it.

Reito stood firmly facing SuperBad.

"You messed with the wrong tribe." he said calmly. "Now you will face MY wrath."

SuperBad was just shaking their heads, still unsure how an imaginary U-haul had caused Tux's death.

"Nagi grab that Tuxedo carcass so we can do a tribal council spot later." Jeff shooed Nagi in the direction of Tux.

"I'm not touching that thing." protested Nagi.

"Would you do it for a SCOOBY SNACK?" grinned Jeff, holding the treat over Nagi's head.

"No." Nagi sweatdropped.

"Oh well it always works on Shaggy and Scoob." the Dark Lord pondered this for a moment.

"Would you do it for two SCOOBY SNACKS? Jeff said again, trying to make them sound inviting.

"Stop that!" yelled Nagi.

"Fine then I'll just ask Starscream and Haruka to do it. They are good subservient underlings." Jeff taunted, knowing how to make Nagi feel jealous.

"Ok fine! I'll do it." Nagi grumbled and stalked off towards the U-haul wreck, cursing every step of the way.

"Excellent." smiled Jeff.

The Dark Lord couldn't have planned it better himself. A showdown already. This was getting good. Who will come out victorious? Who will be the sole Hime Survivor?

Next time on Survivor: What will Reito do with his inner gay? Can Shizuru save KiyoTIMMAY? Will The Dark Lord regain control of the game? More unexplained deaths? Tune in next time to find out.

End Chapter 6

**Shifty Nao's Electronics Extravaganza Omake**

Natsuki: Shizuru! I'm here. I got your text message.

Shizuru: (Looking shocked and pointing to Natsuki's head) Ara, what is that on my Natsuki's head?

Natsuki: (Holding up cellphone) I got your text message. Come over, WEAR PANTIES ON HEAD!

Shizuru: No no...It said Come over, my parents are here!! MY PARENTS ARE HERE!

Natsuki: That's not what it said.

Shizuru: YES IT DID!

The Fujinos: (Looking shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Natsuki's panty clad head)

Natsuki: (In best manly man voice) UM (COUGH) HELLO!

Nao: (Struts across screen and looks into camera) Not receiving text messages properly? Are dropped calls a frequent problem? It's probably time for a new cellphone, or a new plan. Never fear Shifty Nao is here! This week only at Shifty Nao's Electronics Extravaganza all cellphones, plans and accessories are 10 percent off!

Voiceover: THAT'S RIGHT 10 PERCENT OFF!!!

Natsuki: (Struggling to take panties off head)

The Fujinos: (Still shocked and gone from slightly embarrassed to slightly appalled)

Shizuru: (Not knowing whether to laugh or cry)

Nao: (Pointing at the fiasco behind her) Don't let this be you! Come on down and let shifty Nao steal---er save you money!!!

Midori: They may call her an SOB but she's YOUR SOB!

Nao: Umm...wrong commercial stupid.

Midori: SHIPOOPI??

Nao: (Ignoring Midori and turning back to the audience) Just IN! Check out Shifty Nao's brand new line of Beverage-Flavored Hardware!

We have Soup-flavored, Beer-flavored, and Soda-Flavored computer monitors, to prevent those who are prone to coughing, laughing, and spitting fits from further endangering themselves and their computer hardware while reading FFN stories!

You won't have to flavor your monitors anymore! WE DO IT FOR YOU! So grab your family and come on down today.

Voiceover: Shifty Nao's is not responsible for seizures, strokes or heart attacks that may occur while using beverage-flavored computer hardware.

Nao: SHIPOOPI!

End Omake

As we leave this chapter, I'd like to give my final thoughts.

Please Read and Review ;)

And remember friends, be kind to yourself and your underlings.

--ShotgunNeko


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:**

I don't know why I still bother to type this, but just in case, I don't own any of the characters I am playing with today.

**A/N:**

Hello good readers! I know, I know it's been forever since I have updated this fic, but I decided to try boosting my spirits and regaining my muse by doing something a little bit old skool!

"A spoon full of crack makes the fanfiction go down...in the most delightful way!" -Me

I figured since it has been so long I had better give everyone who is still reading a quick recap of the past 6 chapters.

**Nao**: Oh shut it...nobody reads the A/N's anyways! I'll do the ReCrap myself!

**Nao's Notes:**

**Nao: **So that jackass, the obsidian lord, decided to play a new game with the Himes. By using super popular (and now Emmy Award Winning) Jeff Probst's body, he pulled us all into a game of Survivor.

Who would be the last one standing and unknowingly become his dark bride?

We were split into two teams, the girls team and the guys team. I dunno why there were guys, but I guess Jiffy, er the dark one, likes man meat too, anyways...

**Akane**: Ahem!

**Nao: **Oh yeah I almost forgot that because everyone still thinks Akira is a guy, and Akane has a moustache, they were also on the boys team heh.

**Akane**: Moustache? I'll kill you...

**Nao**: (shrugs) Kazuya said it, not me.

**Akane**: KAZU-KUN!

**Author**: Ehehehe...Please continue Nao-chan...

**Nao**: Right! Anywho, last chapter we learned that we can all summon our CHILDS again, and even Haruka has a CHILD now, which is an F-15 fighter jet, named Starscream.

**Haruka**: He's retro Starscream! Don't forget that part. Not the new age Starscream on the anime! Blue! White! Red!

**Author**: (Whispers) Sorry while shopping for a birthday gift, I saw the new Starscream toy, he's all dark n stuff, WTH?

**Nao**: Done? Shut it! Now the Hime tribe (Superbad) and the gaylords (TIMMAY! And the Lords of the Underworld) are at a standoff because Takumi stole Kiyohime and Midori somehow managed to crash her u-haul into Tuxedo Mask, while driving backwards, thus killing him.

**Midori**: U forgot to mention that it was an imaginary u-haul.

**Nao**: Right! And that I am totally not a lesbo...and was totally NOT trying to make out with Midori.

**Author**: Okay I can take it from here.

When we last left our groups, Reito, the only one of the guys still pretending to be straight, valiantly decided to don Tuxedo Mask's clothing, and find his inner gay.

What will Reito do with his inner gay? And can the Himes stop him??

**Chapter 7:**

Reito cackled fiendishly as he draped himself in Tuxedo Mask's cape.

"Hey is this velour?" he asked, as his tribemates joined him, all reaching out to touch the cape.

"So soft!" giggled Takeda.

"So warm!" echoed Tate.

"Yaaay!" squealed Kazuya, as Akane shot daggers at her boyfriend.

"It doesn't take much to excite them does it?" Natsuki whispered to Shizuru.

Shizuru probably would have found this all amusing, but the former Kaichou was too busy pouting over the loss of her beloved Kiyohime.

Haruka clenched her fists and nodded to Starscream. They had been waiting for their opportunity to wipe the shit-eating grin off Reito's face for the last few minutes.

"Oh whatever." yelled Nao. "All you got is your crappy cane and roses! Bring it!" she taunted.

Reito flashed his fanboys a smile and then turned to the girls, raising his hand in triumph.

"Tuxedo La Smoking Bomber!" he yelled righteously, as energy blasted from his hands. "Take that! A manga only attack!"

The Superbad tribe, most of who had never actually read the Sailor Moon manga, scrambled to jump out of the way of Tuxedo Reito's new attack.

"What the hell was that?" Natsuki yelped, covering Shizuru.

"Mikoto have you read the manga?" Mai yelled, knowing it was a longshot.

"Too many words. I like books with pictures." Mikoto replied.

"Those ARE books with pictures!" Nao pointed out, while dodging another attack.

Midori grinned, sake in hand. "Mikoto likes magazines that show women with big breasteses."

"Breasteses?"

"Mhhmmm."

"Are you drunk?"

"Mhhmmm."

"How?"

"Sake is my luxury item! Wooooot!"

The girls were interrupted as Reito began laughing evilly once more, as his power seemed to grow along with his ego.

Tate, Takeda and Kazuya all stared in awe, their super chibified eyes were glowing with stars.

"So that's the way you want it? You wanna go manga on us? Oh we can go manga too!" Haruka shouted, much to the surprise of everyone else on her team.

"Starscream!"

Starscream quickly handed his new master a very large, five volumed book.

Suddenly Shizuru's eyes began to glow an even darker shade of red, as her naginata appeared before her. Natsuki tried to stop her, but Shizuru was relentless as she began to attack the defenseless book.

"Die Satan!" Shizuru yelled in a very americanized voice.

"What the hell?" Haruka screamed, trying to save the book from the angered Hime.

"Evil!" Shizuru yelled again.

"Oh shit, she's gonna go all first district on us again..." Nao trailed off.

Natsuki sprung into action, wrapping her arms tightly around her angry girlfriend.

"Shizuru it's okay! It's okay."

Shizuru turned to find the love of her life at her side, and suddenly her eyes reverted back to their usual color.

"Ara, that book...that book is...EVIL!" Shizuru said, shuddering as Haruka picked the remains from the ground.

"Geez bubuzuke, it's just a book." Haruka scolded, flipping through the now tattered pages to find what she was looking for.

"A book where Natsuki doesn't know I exist, and instead has a fling with Tate!" Shizuru accused, looking right at Natsuki.

"What?" the bluenette scoffed. "That's ridiculous!"

"Mai loves Tater-tot too!" Mikoto cried out, sneaking a peek over Haruka's shoulders.

"No no Mikoto! It's just a silly book." Mai reasoned, trying to calm the cat girl down.

"Why...issss...Kaichou-san...NAKED...and...subservient...to...Haruka-chan?" Midori slurred.

Natsuki, Nao, Yukino and Mikoto all jumped behind Haruka.

"WHERE?" they all asked simultaneously.

"Holy crap! Nao-chan is naked too!" Mikoto giggled.

"WHERE?" yelled everyone that WASN'T gay.

"Enough! You've all had your fun, now it's my turn." Haruka grinned sadistically, pulling the manga away from the group.

"You think your measly manga can stop the awesome power that is me?" Reito asked, suddenly spewing much cheesier lines then Tuxedo Mask ever had.

"Just take a look at this." Haruka motioned, handing Reito the manga.

"Hmmm." Reito recognized the manga at once and grinned, as his tribemates, minus Akane, gathered around.

Reito skimmed, anxious to get to HIS big part, afterall he WAS the Obsidian Lord. As he continued to skim, he noticed almost everyone else on his tribe to be in the story, even Takeda.

"Ahhh they are just going to make my big reveal suspenseful." he mused.

As Reito turned the page on the big reveal of the Obsidian Lord's true identity, he was shocked.

"TAKUMI? TAKUMI? SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY?" he bellowed, suddenly feeling his ego begin to deflate.

"How come Takumi wants to take Mai as his dark bride?" Mikoto asked, eyeing up the younger boy.

"Hey that's TWINCEST!" Midori exclaimed.

"They're not twins..."

"Oh incest then?" Midori offered.

"Yup."

"Uhhhhh..." Takumi looked to Akira for help, but she wanted to know the answer to that question too.

"Perv." Nao grunted.

"SERIOUSLY?" Reito howled, as he began to sound like all the chicks from Grey's Anatomy.

"Seriously!" Haruka echoed, watching happily as Reito's ego deflated quickly.

"ZOMG! Haruka actually did something cool!" Nao observed.

"You ain't seen nothing yet." Haruka grinned, suddenly pulling Yukino close to her.

"Ha-Haruka-chan..." Yukino blushed, not sure what to make of Haruka's gesture.

"Yukino, you and I are ROCKHARDS in the manga!"

Yukino had to think for a moment, to come up with a word that was similar to rockhard.

"Oh! Did you mean ROCKSTARS Haruka-chan?"

"That's what I said BIATCH!" Haruka yelled, drunk with power.

"Oh god, it's gone to her head." Nao whispered, and the others nodded.

"With FUSION on our side, we can't lose!" Haruka continued, obviously referring to the fact that Harukino in the manga can fuse their CHILDS together, and actually look super cute/cool when doing so.

"Fusion?" asked Mai, confused.

"Fusion?" wondered Reito, who was now curled up in a ball on the sand, cradling his knees.

"HARUKINO!: The reason the manga rocked!" Haruka finished, still holding Yukino rather tightly.

While everyone else rolled their eyes, Yukino looked at their provocative manga selves in the book. She then began to blush furiously. If you had read the manga first, why, you might actually think Harukino were more then friends.

"Hot..." Yukino trailed off, entranced by the GLORIOUS book.

"Now Starscream! Fuse with Diana!" Haruka commanded her decepticon CHILD.

Starscream shrugged his shoulders, approaching Diana slowly.

"How you DOINNNNNNN?" Starscream asked.

Diana crossed her vines over her chest unhappily, wondering why she always got stuck with the losers.

Yukino, sensing her CHILD's unhappiness, urged her forward. "Diana, fuse with Starscream."

Starscream grinned cheesily, as Diana threw up her vines in defeat. Now the only question left was HOW exactly they were supposed to fuse.

The first attempt had Starscream accidentally touching Diana's "girl parts", which then earned him a back hand, er back vine slap to the head.

"Try harder." Haruka instructed, eyebrow twitching.

Everyone else just stared in awe and amusement, as poor Starscream and Diana tried to work something out. The other CHILDS were also unsupportive as Julia, Gakutenou and Duran were all rolling around on their backs in the sand, laughing hysterically at their comrades misfortune.

As Starscream and Diana continued to try different poses, Diana would always end up embarrassing Starscream in some way, hamming it up for her friends. As the plant CHILD continued to mock him, making bunny ears behind his head with her vines, Starscream decided that was the last straw!

He was NOT going to be the laughing stock this time! Starscream grabbed Diana, much to the surprise of everyone, including Harukino and quickly draped her around his midsection, tying her vines up into a fashionable belt.

"TA-DA!" he yelled, as he sashayed up and down the sand dune.

Everyone was so surprised, they forgot to laugh. Well everyone except Duran, who continued to roll in the sand, slapping his paw up and down , as he continued his laughing fit.

Haruka studied their CHILDS. "Not quite, but I think you're close!"

Starscream sighed, and unwrapped Diana from his waist. Poor Diana had her head so close to the decepticon's um "bot parts", she needed a moment to recover.

Starscream jumped up suddenly, realizing exactly what they needed to do to achieve FUSION.

"I think he's got it!" Haruka exclaimed, grinning down at Yukino.

"Let's cheer him on?" Mai suggested, feeling sorry for the poor bot.

"GO STARSCREAM!" Takumi yelled, whooping it up.

"He's not on our team." Akane seethed.

"Yeah but he's a lovable loser." Takumi smiled.

"We Tokihas always cheer for the lovable losers." Mai interjected.

"Tru dat." Nao agreed. "But that doesn't explain Tate, cuz...he's just a loser?"

"Shhhh Starscream needs to concentrate." Haruka chided them.

Starscream triumphantly approached Diana, thrusting her haphazardly onto his head in one swift motion. Diana was a bit taken back, but then she settled on Starscream's head, her long, luscious vines creating a beautiful green hairpiece for Megatron's most notorious underling.

"YESSSSS!" Screamed Haruka.

"Oh YESSSSS!" echoed Starscream, knowing that he had achieved FUSION, and that he was a sexy badass bot.

"Now! Starscream offense!"

"Diana! Defense!"

"Nooooo Reito-sama look out!" Tate yelled.

"It's too late." sniffed Reito. "I'm nothing without my ego."

"Reito!" Takeda screamed.

"NOOOOOOO!"

But the boys cries went unheard as Starscream used his giant laser attack, which had no name, so he called it "GIANT LASER ATTACK".

Reito Kanzaki, just like Tuxedo Mask before him, was completely wiped from this earth. Diana's vines went up, making a nice curtain around Starscream, protecting him from any backlash that his uber-powerful attack may have caused.

"FEAR ME NOW!" Haruka yelled, completely high on life.

Yukino borrowed a line from the manga in response, as she stroked the side of Haruka's face.

"That's my evil Executive Director."

The girls' tribe celebrated as even Starscream and Diana put aside their differences because of a job well done.

"Awesome!" squealed Mikoto, thrusting her head into Mai's chest.

"Hell yeah!" admitted Nao, surprisingly impressed.

"Goddamnit." commented Nagi, from the nearby tree that he and Jeff were situated in.

"What's wrong Nagi?" Jeff asked, feigning concern.

"Another body for me to scrape together!"

"Please take it to the tribal council area immediately."

"Where's the chocolate? The peanut butter? The ladies taking off their clothes FOR the chocolate and the peanut butter?" Nagi muttered, as he lowered himself to the ground.

Jeff ignored him and continued to watch the action with his binoculars.

"That Haruka has definitely gone up a few points in my hot mama books."

Suddenly Jeff had a very strange thought, as the Baywatch theme started to play and he imagined Haruka in a tight red bathing suit, her more than ample bosom swaying in the wind.

_Some people stand in the darkness...afraid to step into the light..._

Jeff's eyes glazed over, as he savored that image thoroughly.

Somewhere not far from that tree, Yukino was having the same daydream.

"HAWT!" yelled Jeff and Yukino simultaneously.

As the SUPERBAD tribe had celebrated their victory over Reito, the TIMMAY! Tribe was now huddled together, planning their next attack.

Shizuru was still pouting.

"Shizuru we will get Kiyohime back, I promise! How can I make it up to you in the meantime?" Natsuki asked, wanting Shizuru to be happy again.

Natsuki knew the phrase "Happy wife, Happy life" all too well.

She shuddered, picturing angry Shizuru in her mind. But she was soon overcome with warmth as Shizuru began to kiss her softly.

"I just want my Natsuki."

"Sweet!" Natsuki managed to get out, before her lips were crushed.

As Shiznat began to have gratuitous relations in front of everyone, Akira sighed unhappily.

Where were her gratuitous relations?

Tired of Takumi and his gay ways, she crossed from her tribe and into a circle that included Nao, Midori, Mai and Mikoto.

Nao looked up just as Akira stepped forward.

"Hey! What are you--" she was stopped in mid-sentence as Akira pulled her close.

"Have you ever had gratuitous relations with a ninja?" she asked huskily.

Nao thought for a second, a jungle setting coming to mind. "Well there was this one time..."

"Let's get makey-outy." Akira declared, kissing Nao passionately, much to the annoyance of Midori.

Somewhere, in her computer chair, ShotgunNeko grinned evilly at once again making Naokira!! The devious author had many fantasies she wanted to play out between the two, but those would have to wait for a more...SERIOUS...fanfic...blah!

"Akira-kun!" Takumi whined. "What are you doing?"

"Oh don't look so shocked. I was doing nothing on your tribe, and your obviously not interested in women, so...I switched teams?"

"Does she mean that literally or figuratively?" asked Mai.

"She kissed a girl and she liked it!" Mikoto affirmed.

"Whoaaaa what? Akira is a GIRL?" Tate grimaced. Or gasped. Or gasped then grimaced. Yeah that one.

"EWWWWWW!" echoed Takeda and Kazuya.

"WTF?" yelled Akane.

"Oh shut up all of you and go back to your stanky ass beach." Haruka shouted.

"Stanky or skanky?" Yukino asked.

"If it's skanky then were not upset." Takeda said.

"But don't you dare call us stanky. Were proud of our personal hygiene." added Tate.

"JUST SHUT THE EFF UP!" Haruka growled, sending all the men to run for cover.

"You'll be sorry." countered Tate.

"Yeah, you underestimated our secret weapon!"

"Secret weapon?" asked Midori, unconvinced.

"You'll see, and then you'll be sorry." finished Takeda.

"You might as well just tell us." Haruka reasoned.

"Oh I suppose we could do that."

Tate grinned at Takeda, who motioned to Kazuya.

ENTER THE TEEN GIRL SQUAD!!

**End Chapter 7**

Holy frack batman! What will happen next? If anyone actually knows who the teen girl squad is...hehehehehe...if not...check out homestarrunner dot net. Go to shorts and click on the TSG or teen girl squad.

Thanx to everyone for reading/still reading if there is anyone else who still reads my stuff back from umm...March..LOL...bad me!

I will try to get around to updating Strange Animal sometime this week, no promises though!

Thanx again ;)

p.s. My ffn account is not letting me receive messages or pm's so if I don't reply to something, then I am not ignoring you, my account is just being badass.

ShotgunNeko


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